


of your shining eyes and ugly scars (every little piece of you)

by strawberrykihyun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boyfriends, Character Development, Cute, Fluff, Getting Together, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Moon Taeil, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, but yuta fixes that, jaehyun is a nuisance, taeyong is getting bullied, yuta is protective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-07 13:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrykihyun/pseuds/strawberrykihyun
Summary: This wasn't a dream right? Taeyong wasn't hearing things; was he? Yuta means it right? He wasn't that mean of a person to spurt a fake confession, was he?OrYuta learns to love everything about Taeyong, and the thought sometimes— all the time— makes Taeyong cry.





	1. Chapter 1

Taeyong could cry right now.

Taeyong wants to cry right now.

He doesn't know what to do; all he knows is that his chest hurts and his eyes are sore and his throat is raw and— fuck he can't stop.

All Taeyong wanted was to come home and eat a nice dinner with his family. With his dad at the head of the table, his mother sitting on one side of him while he sits at the other, because that's how it's always been.

He doesn't know why he thought that today he'd get to go home and peacefully live his life.

It's just that his best friend was talking about how since today was Tuesday, it meant that his family was going to have pizza at a restaurant, which they lived around the corner from.

He guesses he got too excited, hearing Taeil's plans. Excited enough for him to think and hope that those kinds of evenings were achievable in his own household.

He's always wrong.

Taeyong doesn't get to go home to a family. He hates himself for getting so excited over wanting to be home in his most comfortable clothes, snuggling with his mother and watching television while his dad reads the newspaper on the adjacent couch—

Because that's not what he gets. And he hates himself for being surprised.

Taeyong walks home and it's ridiculous how the door opens before he even steps foot onto the steps in front of their house.

He doesn't know why he thought his mother was the one who opened the door, that his mother was waiting for him with a broad smile and his favourite snack, because she wasn't.

Instead, it was one of the many maids his parents had hired to keep him company in the large, cold, empty house.

Taeyong didn't really like the maid. I mean, sure they were nice and sweet, but they got boring after a while. Taeyong didn't want maids lingering around his house all the time. He wanted it to be like Taeil's house: just him and his parents, who worked regular shift hours so they were home when Taeil was.

But people don't always get what they want.

Instead, Taeyong gets a maid taking his backpack from his shoulders, a different maid handing him a plate of cute fruits with cheese and crackers as a snack, and a final maid handing him his house clothes.

Taeyong didn't like being treated like this.

He found it ridiculous because he was born with a pair of arms, a pair of legs, a brain and perfectly well functioning body. He was capable of doing all these things on his own. He's told the maids multiple times on end that he was capable; that they didn't have to do things for him. But they never listened. Because the next day was the same cycle, and Taeyong could only assume his parents had something to do with it.

Funny how the maids talked to Taeyong's parents more than he did.

One maid comes into Taeyong's room, which was too big for just himself (he remembers falling in love with how small and cosy Taeil's room was), about an hour after he came back from school and reminding him to finish any homework or to study.

Even his parents couldn't find the time of day to do that themselves.

Taeyong would say that he didn't care; that he could care less, but that would be a lie.

It doesn't matter though, Taeyong complies and finishes his homework. By the time he's done, a maid knocks on his door, calling him down to eat.

Dinner was always what Taeyong hated the most. He despises eating alone; but the still does everyday, simply because he doesn't have a choice. The only times he enjoys eating is when he goes to Taeil's house and has dinner with Taeil's family. But that again leaves an empty hole in his heart.

Once he sits down at the table, food is presented in front of him. It's plain, and he doesn't enjoy the cooking anymore. At first it was good, because it was new, but now he's sick and tired of it, he wants to eat something homemade for once.

For once.

But he doesn't get that luxury, instead he eats whatever is presented to him, thanking the maid heartily because he wasn't going to be that person, before walking back to his room.

Taeyong fiddles with his phone in his room. He didn't know what to do now.

It was only 10:00 pm and his 'bed time' was 10:30 pm, so he had time to kill.

He bites his lip before deciding that he was gonna do it.

He unlocks his phone and dials a number he's memorized, but he doesn't even think that the fact that he memorized it would help him; she doesn't pick up the phone often.

Surprisingly, tonight, Taeyong's mother does pick up, greeting and exasperated greeting into the phone.

"Hello Taeyong."

She sounds tired and she almost sounds robotic. Taeyong balls his fists up at the thought that maybe his mother set up an answering machine for his calls, but then realizes how stupid that is.

"Hi mom," Taeyong whispers, feeling himself get emotional because when was the last time he's heard her voice? Two months ago? Probably, she's been busy.

"Look Taeyong; now isn't a good time, I'm busy."

Oh.

It never is a good time.

She's always busy.

Taeyong's heard this thousands of times but somehow he still can't get over the disappointment, still can't get over how he feels his heart sink and chest tighten and eyes burn.

Taeil gets to see his mom everyday.

"Okay," he says again, keeping his voice low so that no traces of hurt were anywhere in his voice.

He doesn't know if his mom would care about that anyways.

His mother hangs up without saying another word, and Taeyong suddenly feels tired.

He sighs before putting his phone away, slipping into the covers, not caring that the light was on. 

Maybe if he sleeps he could have a nice dream.

He could dream about being Taeil's family. Instead of Ms. Moon, it'd be his mom, instead of Mr. Moon it'd his dad, and instead of Taeil, it'd be him.

Taeyong was only ten years old.

 

Eight years go by like that; the same routine repeating itself for eight years, every single day.

Taeyong is so sick of it. But he doesn't do anything about it. He can't do anything about it.

His parents are still the same; nonexistent in his life.

The only thing that's drastically changed was his face and his adoration towards the maids that loom around his house all day long.

What went from pitying the maids went to learning that they were all he had, Taeyong grew exceptionally close to one of them.

She was a nice lady, mid thirties perhaps, but that was when Taeyong was thirteen. She's probably edging on forty nowadays. Taeyong never bothered to ask, he deemed it as being rude. 

That one maid was the one who always cleaned his bruises and cuts.

Not that Taeyong gets into fights or anything absurd like that, even though the actual reason was also quite absurd.

Taeyong's been getting bullied since the beginning of the year. He always knew inside that it wasn't a good idea to ask out his boy crush, boy crush, while kids from school were watching. It was humiliating and heartbreaking when his crush had rejected him, saying that he wasn't into guys, like the disgusting person Taeyong is.

It got worse when they once dumped water on him, watching how makeup washed off his face and revealed his black eye and cuts from the previous days.

When they learned that Taeyong wore makeup, he knew he was done for.

Ever since then, he doesn't get a break. There are constant pranks, humiliation sessions, fights and ugly words thrown at him. Taeyong doesn't know how he's endured it, maybe it's because he knows his sexual orientation isn't wrong; that he's allowed to choose who he wants to get involved with. And some nobodies at school who will probably grow up to live on the streets weren't going to affect him like this.

Sure it hurt, a lot, but he didn't have a choice but to accept it because he's not really in shape to fight back.

Not yet at least.

Not in this lifetime, he thinks.

And so another day of his plain and boring routine ensues, starting with a maid diligently waking him up on time.

Taeyong doesn't know how the maids feel about him. It would make sense that they wouldn't like him, no one really wants to be waiting on someone's hands and feet, doing everything they request.

But the maids that always tended to him were different all the time, most of them were lovely with bright smiles and cracked a few jokes sometimes, but others were stoic and didn't wear expressions at all.

Those were the ones which Taeyong felt uncomfortable with for requesting things to be done; or felt uncomfortable when they had to do something for him.

However, the sour ones weren't the case this morning.

"Taeyong-nim," the nice maid whispers, shaking the young man by the shoulders.

Her chest tightens at the sight of Taeyong's bruised cheek and eye, and she bites her lip in worry when she sees Taeyong's busted lip.

There was so much that she wanted to do for the sweet boy, but she was nothing but a maid. She couldn't do much; even if she wanted to.

Taeyong, who is ever so pliant, wakes up after a few more shakes, twisting and rustling in his sheets as he stretches the relaxation out of his body, waking himself up.

"Good morning," he greets in a raspy voice, taking pride in the soft smile that adorns the maid's face.

It was little things like this which make Taeyong happy, since he knows that most maids don't enjoy their job. Since he's the only occupant of the house, he figures he could make their job easier, or a bit more fun.

"I'll make you breakfast. What would you like? Oatmeal? I can make congee, french toast, pancakes or waffles—"

"Noona," Taeyong chuckles sleepily, unknowingly sending the elder maid a sleepy smile which makes the lady smile sadly because Taeyong was so handsome, too wholesome for he bruises colouring his face. "Noona I'll just have some milk."

Worry shows itself on the maid's face.

"Only? You're thin Taeyong-nim, eat—" The maid was frowning and Taeyong didn't like it. He doesn't like making people sad, he hates being the reason for a frown.

"Please?" He says, cutting her off for the second time while opening his eyes wide and pouting his lips.

The lady sighs, and Taeyong knows he convinced her, as she nods and pats his shoulder to remind him to freshen up.

"One hour Taeyong-nim, see you downstairs."

Once she's out of his room, Taeyong stretches once more before heading to the bathroom to clean himself up, changing into his school uniform.

He's not looking forward to heading to school; he's truly tired of his boring life. He wishes someone would just splash some fun or colour into his black and white lifestyle, colours that weren't purples from his bruises of red from his blood.

When he's downstairs, he's greeted with bows from maids and helpers he passes by, putting on a tight lipped smile because he doesn't like being treated like someone superior. He isn't superior, he's just like them and he's younger. He wants to treat them with respect, it shouldn't be the other way around.

He nicely bows back to them, instead of being one of those assholes who don't even acknowledge the respectful gesture, let alone return it.

After drinking his milk, bowing as a thanks to the maids in the kitchen and all the ones he passed by until he's at the front door, Taeyong slings his backpack onto his body and makes his way to school.

At first, a car used to drop him off, but he quickly cancelled that idea when he started to get looks from people. They were confused towards why Lee Taeyong comes out of a sleek black car with a driver wearing a tux.

It was safe to say that no one knew about Taeyong's home life; his family, social and financial status. But he didn't think they'd act differently even if they knew.

As quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself, Taeyong scurries off to class, keeping his head down to avoid making eye contact with anyone. It's embarrassing enough to be known as 'that gay kid', but it's worse if it's 'that lonely gay kid who gets beat up'. Taeyong doesn't like labels and titles. But in this scenario, he doesn't get to choose.

Once he's inside his classroom, it's not all that better, seeing as there are no teachers around, but the class president is there.

The class president is someone who Taeyong guesses he could trust with keeping his ass from being whooped by the bullies in their school.

Although Taeyong and the president don't really talk that much, more like at all, he's assuming that his morals are humane enough, or else why would he be class president, right?

His name is Nakamoto Yuta, he's foreign and his name sounded nice rolling off of Taeyong's tongue.

Nakamoto Yuta has a beautiful smile that everyone could agree healed people's hearts and souls. His laugh was so nice to hear that it made almost everyone weak in the knees and simply his voice in general was a beautiful thing to hear.

There were a lot of things to adore about Nakamoto Yuta. Taeyong could write you thesis on the many things, but he'll wait until university to do that.

It wasn't an unknown fact to people that Yuta had many girls crushing on him. In his school, it wasn't accepted that Yuta would have boys crushing on him too, so Taeyong will keep his adoration inside his head for now. And on the down-low. Preferably until he graduates. Yeah, maybe he'll confess on graduation day and then bolt right out of the venue and dash back home and flee the country to go to America or maybe Japan— wait not Japan. Yuta's sure to go to Japan, the rest of his family lives in Japan.

So America for sure.

Yuta and Taeyong were similar in one way, as Taeyong likes to put it. The only thing that they had in common was that their parents are both out of the country.

From the rumours he's heard and the conversations he's eavesdropped on, he knows that Yuta lives in an apartment in the city, somewhere that isn't that far from the school.

But enough about Yuta, their homeroom teacher just walks in, seeming like he was in a pissy mood today. Technically, he always was, but today he seemed extra bitter.

"Attention!" Yuta's gentle but firm voice calls, grabbing the attention of the rest of the class that Taeyong didn't notice had filtered in. "Bow!"

It wasn't hard having to listen to what Nakamoto Yuta says; Taeyong would listen to his voice on loop for the rest of eternity if he could.

Yuta was like a dream. He was everything that you'd wish for in a person, in a friend and in a lover. Yuta was ethereal, to Taeyong he wasn't human. No human is so lovely, so smart and so perfect.

He didn't even realize that he was staring at the back of Yuta's head for a while (he sits behind the boy), until their teacher slams a hand down on his desk.

This makes Taeyong jump and become hyper aware of how Yuta was looking back at him with furrowed eyebrows, and he quickly averts his gaze, hoping that Yuta or anybody else didn't see the blush that started to colour his cheeks.

But luck isn't on his side because after the teacher tells him to wake up and pay attention in his class, he hears snickers from behind him and words he'd rather not hear.

"Get out of you gaydreams."

Taeyong didn't look at Yuta again after that.

During their break time, Taeyong doesn't do anything. If he's feeling productive, he'd go to the library and work on homework or to study. In libraries he has the protection of staff. Although they couldn't do much, no one would mess with him if adults are near.

Today however, he finds himself in main office, helping his homeroom teacher grade some papers.

Taeyong isn't class president or anything; but he's trusted. It's not like he particularly dislikes his homeroom teacher, he does, but he's stern and most days that's annoying.

It's quiet during this break, Taeyong simply flipping his bangs out of his eyes occasionally.

"Lee Taeyong," his teacher's voice suddenly calls, causing the student to jump a bit at the disruption of quiet. "What's that?"

Taeyong is confused, he doesn't know what his teacher is talking about.

"Did I make a mistake?" He mumbles, shifting through the last few pages he marked, skimming over them to see if he miscalculated the final score.

"Not the papers," the teacher tsks, making Taeyong look up at the elder. "Is that a bruise?"

A pit suddenly forms in Taeyong's stomach, and he freezes. He doesn't know what to tell the teacher, what the hell does he do? He can't just openly say, 'oh yeah that's a black eye your students gave me two days ago'. Because no, it doesn't work that way. If that were to happen then the school would be involved, everyone would hate him more, his parents would need to come in, and he didn't have time for any of that. Taeyong just wants to get through all of this nonsense peacefully, quietly, without drawing attention to himself.

Well, more attention than he's already drawn to himself.

"What?" He dumbly ask as an answer, furrowing his eyebrows and going back to grading papers. "I don't have bruises."

Out from above his eyelashes, Taeyong can see the teacher open his mouth to say something more, but then a figure is dashing into the office, drawing everyone's attention to them.

"Nakamoto?"

Taeyong's blood runs cold; he's frozen and suddenly forgets how to goddamn breathe.

After what happened this morning with his 'gaydreams', meeting Yuta's eyes have been embarrassing and just hard to do.

For that reason; he keeps his head down and continues to grade papers, trying to ignore how raged Yuta's breathing is behind him. He could imagine that his hair was a bit disheveled from running from wherever he was to the office, maybe a light sheen of sweat covering his forehead. He doesn't think about it for too long though.

"Mr. Shin, Jeno injured himself while playing basketball."

Taeyong knows Jeno, he's a student a year younger than them. Taeyong's seen him around, he was kind of hard to miss. The boy was always smiling and his smile was distinct and once you've seen it once, you can never forget it. You could simply show Taeyong the smile and he'd know that it's Lee Jeno.

"Is someone taking him to the infirmary?" Yuta nods.

"His friend, Renjun," Yuta confirms, finally regaining his normal breathing pattern.

The teacher hums.

"You should probably notify Jeno's homeroom teacher," he says. "Do you know who it is?"

When Yuta shakes his head, Taeyong doesn't know what takes over his body, he kicks himself for even opening his mouth after he does, and he doesn't understand why he let the words slip past his lips.

Honestly; he hates himself for speaking in that moment.

"I know who it is."

What Taeyong doesn't see after his statement, is how Yuta whips his head to look at Taeyong, noticing the presence of another student for the first time.

It's kind of hard to miss Taeyong's presence though. Nakamoto Yuta thinks that Taeyong has an extremely loud and bright aura, that Lee Taeyong is so vibrant and lively. Even if Taeyong's on the introvert side of things; he's still bright.

He doesn't know how he didn't notice Taeyong in the room until now, didn't notice the mop of black hair until now.

"Perfect. Taeyong, take Yuta to Jeno's homeroom teacher. Then check up on Jeno."

Yuta hums, playing everything off cool beacause he wasn't going to make a fool out of himself.

Taeyong is glad that he wasn't facing Yuta because if he was then the other male would see how his cheeks flared pink at the thought to being alone with him.

Not that he was getting ahead of himself, it's just that being alone with Yuta meant either awkward silence, awkward conversation or smooth conversation. He didn't know which one it would be, and he wasn't too keen on finding out.

With a dumb nod, Taeyong fixes the test papers into a neat pile, capping the pen and placing it on the stack.

He avoids Yuta's eyes as he turns around, silently bowing to his teacher before scurrying out the office, not even peeping back behind him to see if Yuta was following him. Taeyong knows that if he looks at Yuta his cheeks will bloom like the colour of cherry blossoms.

He hears footsteps get louder behind him, Yuta is approaching. He takes pity on the other male and slows his pace down, but he still doesn't speak; keeps his mouth closed.

It's so awkward and it's so silent, both of the things Taeyong didn't want it to become.

He knows he can't help the situation though, it's not like he's going to be able to muster up the courage to talk to the other student who's trailing a foot behind him.

He only dares open his mouth when they're a few steps away from Jeno's homeroom teacher's classroom, and that was after mustering up pints of courage and balls.

"This is Ms. Yoon's room. She's Jeno's homeroom," Taeyong explains in a very low, very quiet, and very flustered voice.

He hates how Nakamoto Yuta can get that from him. He hates how Yuta has reduced Taeyong into a puddle of nothingness, and all he's done was spare Taeyong a glance.

"Thanks Taeyong." Yuta says, knocking once on the door before heading inside, Taeyong deciding that he'll wait outside.

The way Taeyong's name rolls off of Yuta's tongue sounds so natural and so nice that it has Taeyong thinking about how Yuta's voice would sound in the morning when he wakes up, or at ass-o'clock when he's dead tired.

Taeyong shouldn't be thinking this way about his classmate, about his class president, but Yuta is intoxicating and Taeyong doesn't mind drinking in more.

The sound of the door opening is what startles Taeyong out of his thoughts, and he's now watching Yuta flash him a bright smile that's doing things to his heart.

"You want to accompany me to the infirmary? You don't have to if you don't want to," Yuta says, finding it a bit comical how Taeyong's eyes go wide with surprise.

Taeyong doesn't know what it is in him, but he finds himself nodding to Yuta's proposal for no apparent reason. He guesses he just wants to spend more time with Yuta.

Their school is separated by buildings and by class, no more than four classes in a building. The infirmary is in a different building.

"Oh," Yuta's voice pierces through the silence, making Taeyong look at him willingly for the first time since they stepped out of that office. "It's raining. We should bolt for it."

When Taeyong looks out the door, it is indeed pouring. He sighs, but nonetheless joins Yuta in dashing across the courtyard to the other building.

The cold droplets of water make Taeyong feel uncomfortable; freezing rain was always the worst kind of rain. The droplets land on the top of his head and drip down around his hair to the base of his neck and down his back. It feels odd and sends shivers down his spine.

Once him and Yuta are inside the warmth and dryness of the building, the first thing he hears is Yuta gasping.

It's only natural to assume that it's not directed towards him, that Yuta gasping is because of something else. It surprises him when Yuta's face is suddenly closer to his own than it was a few seconds ago.

Up close, Yuta's eyes look prettier than when Taeyong stares at them from a distance. It was cliché to say that Nakamoto Yuta's eyes sparkled, but they did indeed sparkle. His eyes had rhinestone in them, his eyes had stars in them and Taeyong swears that if he was given the time of day he'd spend hours staring into Yuta's eyes and making wishes upon each star he sees.

But he couldn't do that now because slim and cold fingers were prodding just below his left eye, which makes Taeyong flinch and hiss because that bruise was still tender.

"What the hell, who did that?" Yuta's booming voice asks, and Taeyong's afraid that he's drawing attention to the two of them.

In contrast to when Yuta's voice was always soft and low, his question was asked with a boisterous and sharp voice. Taeyong hadn't heard anything like that before, it was something new alright.

But once he registers what Yuta's question is, he really doesn't want to talk about it. As endearing as it is to know that the Nakamoto Yuta is concerned for him and asking about his bruise (which the rain had washed his makeup off, as Taeyong pieced together), he'd much rather talk about anything else.

"Let's go check up on Jeno and Renjun," he mumbles quietly, wriggling out of Yuta's fingers and making his way to the infirmary.

He doesn't bother knocking as he simply steps in, Yuta following.

Jeno and Renjun are the first two people both of the elders see, and it's Renjun who speaks first.

"Taeyong hyung!" He exclaims, a bright smile decorating his face, contrasting the frown he had adorned a few seconds prior.

"Hey kiddo," Taeyong laughs, ruffling Renjun's hair and pinching his cheek. "How's your friend?" He asks softly.

Renjun is a boy who lives in Taeyong's neighbourhood. They don't speak that much outside of school, they've met in the library a few times and sometimes Renjun comes over for help with his homework. Their friendship is nice, it's calm and sometimes it's a distraction for Taeyong, he gets to forget about what's happening in his life. It's not like Renjun asks questions about those kinds of things, Renjun doesn't know anything about Taeyong's bullying. The elder prefers to keep it that way, Renjun should ficus on his studies and not get involved in stupid affairs.

"Jeno's ankle is fractured," Renjun pouts, and bleach-dyed haired Jeno sheepishly smiles at the three elders in the room.

When the youngest in the room spots Yuta, his eyes widen slightly and his posture is considerably more straight.

"T-Thank you for helping me sunbae-nim," Jeno stutters, Yuta finds it endearing, Renjun finds it cute, and Taeyong finds it relatable as he stuttered earlier while talking to Nakamoto Yuta as well.

"Don't worry about it Lee. Keep yourself in one piece alright?" Yuta says with mock authority and Jeno smiles this really cute smile where his eyes disappear and his gums are bared.

"Hey hyung," Renjun's suddenly quiet voice calls, making Taeyong peek and look at the younger.

"Yeah?"

"Is that a bruise under your eye?"

Out of his peripheral, he can see Yuta stiffen. Jeno looks lost and Renjun looks all parts concerned.

Taeyong was always really good at thinking on his feet, and right now wasn't an exception. He hopes Yuta would buy this excuse as well.

"I ran into the door."

Renjun's eyebrows furrow, Yuta looks unconvinced and Jeno just looks really confused. Jeno kind of already pieced together that he's not apart of this conversation, but it's still confusing to listen to.

"You ran into the door?" Renjun asks for clarification, and when Taeyong nods, he seems sold.

However, Yuta isn't. 

 

Back at his house that night, Taeyong thinks he might just explode when he thinks back to how much time he spent with Yuta today.

Today held more interaction with the boy than Taeyong had had in his life.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, his phone starts buzzing.

Confused, because no one texts him or calls him, Taeyong preens his head a bit to read the caller id.

He gasps as he reads who it is.

He scrambles to answer the phone, because even now, at eighteen years old, he is naive and gets his hopes up.

"Hi Dad-"

"Your grades for chemistry this semester have dropped significantly. If you can't pick them up by the time this semester is over then I won't hesitate to send you abroad." And with that, he hangs up.

Taeyong forgot how cruel his parents were to him, especially now that he's almost an adult.

His grades have always been something that stressed him out, but it's even more stressful now that his parents are putting the extra pressure on him. It gets suffocating sometimes and Taeyong wonders how he survives.

He thinks nothing of it though, he's heard multiple threats like that; threatening to send him abroad, to transfer him to a private school, to send him to a tutor. All of those options sound horrible.

"I'm going out," Taeyong says softly to his favourite maid; the maid which doesn't ask too many questions and has Taeyong's cellphone number memorized in case of emergencies.

"Stay safe," she smiles, bowing and then Taeyong's out the door, not really knowing where he's going to.

He does this sometimes; he just likes to take walks in the cool crisp air of the nighttime. He finds it calming and his thoughts run a mile a minute when it's past 9:00 pm and he's roaming the streets alone.

It quiet and it's peaceful, mind the sound of traffic.

"Our lucky night."

Taeyong keeps walking, because he doesn't know that the words are directed towards him. He doesn't even turn around, he's just walking straight, not noticing the footsteps which are following him.

One thing he does notice however, is the smell of smoke. He immediately pieces together that someone is smoking in this general area, which causes him to scrunch up his nose. He doesn't like the smell of cigarettes.

Out of nowhere, but it isn't really out of nowhere (Taeyong would know that if he was being a bit more mindful), a cold and unfamiliar hand latches itself onto Taeyong's shoulder.

His body goes rigid and he's as stiff as a board as he gets turned around by the stranger.

"Lee Taeyong," the gruff voice says with a grin.

Now that there's a face, Taeyong recognizes this boy from school. He was the one who put water on his head and found out that he wore makeup.

Taeyong gulps, hates himself for showing them that he was affecting by them, but he didn't think that he'd have to explicitly show it for them to understand as well.

He notices now that there's more than just the one boy, and that they were all holding lit cigarettes between their fingers. Now he knows where he smell was coming from.

"Nice bruise," the one who was still holding onto him says, nodding approvingly. "Joonki's work?" He asks.

Taeyong thinks that the boy knows perfectly well that it was Joonki, him and Joonki were friends after all.

Wonki is the boy who first punched Taeyong and started insulting him. For all of Taeyong's bullies, he was their role model.

Taeyong doesn't answer the boy's question, he just stands there and look at the ground, hoping that this won't be as painful as it usual is. He knows there's no way he was going to get out of this, that no one's going to show up and save him.

It's almost 11:00 pm and everyone should be lounging at home. Not worrying about someone like Taeyong.

"Joonki. Right?" The boy asks more slowly this time, raising an eyebrow, clearly expecting an answer from Taeyong.

Knowing that he can't do anything but obey, Taeyong clenches his eyes shut and nods his head rigidly.

"Yes hyung."

Not that Taeyong respects this boy or his close to him, but he is older, and Taeyong would rather not find out what happens when he doesn't respect him.

"Let me give her a sister," the boy mumbles lowly, and Taeyong can't even find time to breathe before there's a fist making contact with his other eye.

His ears ring and his head is pounding, for a while all he sees is white out of his freshly abused eye. It hurts, it hurts so much and his eyelid is throbbing and he can't even begin to explain how pathetic and useless he feels in this exact moment.

"P-Please don't," Taeyong blubbers, finding it extremely hard to communicate with the boy glaring at him and the mocking stares of his friends. "Don't h-hit m-me."

The boy who had punched him raises up an eyebrow, his lips curling into a devilish smirk as he cocks his head to the side.

"Don't hit you? Sure. I had something else in mind anyways."

Taeyong feels his heart drop, completely plumet to the soles of his feet, and now he's terrified.

What did this boy have planned?

With a snap of his fingers, his three other friends are walking up to the two of them, one of them yanking up the sleeve of his jumper on the left, while a different person deals with his right sleeve.

"White and clean," one of them mumbles, sending a nod of approval to the 'leader'.

Taeyong's eye is still throbbing.

Taeyong closes his eyes again, he doesn't even know when he opened them, he can't watch anything happen to him, it's pathetic enough to be the victim, he'd rather not humiliate himself in front of himself.

Within the span of three seconds, Taeyong stars to feel scorching, burning hot pain in different spots on his arms.

He still refuses to open his eyes, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what was happened.

All four boys had cigarettes between their fingers when they first cornered Taeyong. And now those cigarettes are pressed into different spots on his arms.

It's agonizingly painful, which has him screaming out and gritting his teeth together when the leader kicks his shin and tells him to shut up.

His breathing is coming out laboured and he doesn't know if he feels relieved of cursed when the four cigarettes leave his skin, since he know they will do it again.

"S-Stop! P-Please stop, it h-hurts!" Taeyong cries. But they don't listen. Taeyong doesn't know why he thought they would.

When they finally do leave Taeyong alone, it's when booming loud and laughing voices turn around the corner.

Taeyong feels his brain malfunction when he's able to put a name and face to one of the voices he hears.

"Ew Jae! Stop you nasty!" The voice laughs, loud and the laughter sounds absolutely melodic.

Taeyong's able to put a picture together in his head, the picture of Nakamoto Yuta laughing with all his teeth and gums bared, his beautiful smile shining brightly with the aid of his white, white teeth, and his eyes crinkling the slightest, but still being able to portray every single star.

He feels the vice-like grips on his arms disappear, which cause him to fall to the ground without the hands holding him up.

Yuta, who is lost in own world of laughs and of having a good time, is suddenly ripped out when he hears a thud and multiple footsteps running away.

"Hey, hey," Yuta whispers, grabbing the attention of the two other people he was with; Sicheng and Jaehyun. They both stop talking and turn their heads to Yuta, listening.

The eldest doesn't say anything, he just brings his finger up to his lips and makes a motion that means 'be quiet'. Jaehyun and Sicheng comply, both eager to find out what discovery their friend made

Last time something similar to this happened, Yuta and Sicheng found a fifty dollar bill laying around— that would have been a good dinner— but Jaehyun made them return it to the nearest store. Yuta and Sicheng argues that that logic didn't even make any sense, since now the employees get to split it, but the youngest told them to shut up and just listen to what he said to do. 

Hoping that they found money again, Sicheng follows Yuta until the three of them take a turn into, not an alleyway, but a empty street, in a quiet and quite sketchy neighbourhood.

The two younger are confused towards why Yuta would lead them here, but they keep quiet up until Jaehyun sees Yuta's eyes widen, and hear a gasp slip past his lips.

But he doesn't yell, or scream. In fact, he doesn't say anything which just make Jaehyun and Sicheng even more confused than they already are.

Their Japanese friend simply whispers a name, which has the two younger boys trying to remember if they've ever met a 'Taeyong'.

It's not like there is blood gushing out of every possible place he could gush blood out of, he just looks weak and defeated and Yuta hates himself for thinking that because Taeyong probably doesn't want anyone thinking of him in that way.

Either way, Yuta quickly scurries to the other boy.

On the other hand, Taeyong doesn't know if he's hallucinating or not.

Is that Nakamoto Yuta?

It is, but Taeyong doesn't know if it's a figment of his imagination because that's what he wants to see, or if it's actually Yuta who is crouched in front of him, hands on his shoulder as he keeps him grounded.

"Taeyong," the Japanese boy calls, and for once Taeyong isn't looking at stars in Yuta's eyes. This time, he's staring into a whirlpool. There are so many different things going on in his pretty, pretty eyes. Normally Taeyong would solely see happiness and joy, which correlates with the stars, but right now he's faced with so many emotions that he can't see just one. It's a whirlpool of feelings, a mess that Taeyong can't decipher, but would like to spend ample amount of time trying to.

"Y-Yuta?" Is the broken name that leaves Taeyong's lips.

Taeyong's voice is a little raspy, having yelled and screamed as much as he had, while his cheeks and eyes were red due to his tears. His cheeks which were normally pale and beautiful were now rosy with tear tracks visible.

Yuta didn't see anything else. 

The boys rolled down Taeyong's sleeves before they fled.

"Yuta?" He questions again. "Is that you?"

The other male grabs one of Taeyong's hands and laces their fingers together so that he could get a sense of reality, and partially because he wanted to.

I mean come on, the boy has been housing a crush on Lee Taeyong since he transferred to South Korea, but never said anything in fear of rejection.

He wished he would have though, maybe if he already had a relationship with Taeyong at this time, whatever happened to him right now wouldn't have happened.

But he can't change the past, so all he can do is focus on the present; what was wrong with Taeyong, and the future; how he was going to help him.

"It's me," he confirms, giving the injured boy's hand an assuring squeeze. "I'm here Taeyong."

Damn.

This scenario was awkward for Sicheng and Jaehyun.

But Jaehyun was smart; an actual intellectual, which is why he fake coughs the way he does, drawing a confused Taeyong and an annoyed Yuta's attention to him.

"So like Cheng and I are hungry. Let's get McDonald's?" 

 

So here they are now, sitting in a McDonald's.

Yuta keeps on glaring at Jaehyun and Sicheng who just seem to be interested in their food, because why the fuck did Jaehyun even think of suggesting food at a time like this?

It's quiet, save for Sicheng and Jaehyun chewing like animals, but Taeyong is simply picking at his fries and slowly eating his nuggets.

Yuta didn't order anything.

Taeyong's whole body feels fuzzy since he's so close to Yuta, sitting right next to him in the booth. He thinks that his cheeks haven't stopped blushing since they've sat down, and he'd think about it more if his arms didn't ache.

The only thing Taeyong was grateful for was that Jaehyun and Sicheng were nice enough to make small conversation that wasn't about what they witnessed earlier.

"Bottom line, Sicheng can't make pie to save his life," Jaehyun cackles, and the boy mentioned pouts because his pie wasn't that bad.

Taeyong manages to let out a somewhat forced laugh, Yuta can tell (he doesn't really know how he can tell, perhaps it's something only soulmates can do... Okay that's bullshit, but it makes Yuta feel better about himself and his capabilities).

Now that he thinks about it; Yuta has never really... Heard Taeyong laugh.

During school; they don't talk. There's no reason for Taeyong to laugh during class and when they have their break, Yuta never sees Taeyong around.

But he's imagined Taeyong's laugh before.

Not in the way that makes him seem like a creep— Yuta imagines Taeyong's laugh to be high pitched and happy, expects his laugh to make him feel like the happiest man alive. He expects Taeyong's laugh to be powerful; and he can't wait until the day he hears Lee Taeyong let out a genuine laugh.

Being able to sense Taeyong's level of uncomfortableness, Yuta whips his phone out of his pocket and discreetly sends some messages.

holy trinity of doughnuts

osaka's bitch: you guys are making Taeyong uncomfortable

osaka's bitch: please leave

fat lips: he looks like he's enjoying himself

Yuta looks at Sicheng dead in the eyes while raising up an eyebrow as to ask 'are you serious?'. Anyone who threw Taeyong a glace right now could see that he didn't know how to react or what to do; that he was uncomfortable.

holy trinity of doughnuts

osaka's bitch: LeAvE

jae sun: goddamn no need to be so aggressive about it

jae sun: let us know if you get any ass

Yuta would've smacked Jaehyun if they weren't in public.

Yuta thought that Jaehyun and Sicheng were level headed people; that they had a sense of humanity and that they each had a brain.

He's proven wrong when the two of them leave without saying anything; simply waving bye to Taeyong— and Taeyong only, not even him.

Yuta doesn't like to call people names and talk trash about them. He believes that everyone is worth something and that he should always treat people kindly.

But Jaehyun and Sicheng were idiots. And he was definitely going to yell at them later.

Now it just leaves Yuta and Taeyong here, alone in an almost empty 24-hour Mcdonald's, with their messy feelings, Taeyong's aching arms and Yuta's aching heart.

"Come on," the Japanese boy sighs, sitting up straight and sending Taeyong what he hoped was an attractive smile. "Let's get you home."

Immediately after those words leave Yuta's mouth; Taeyong feels a bit disappointed. He doesn't want to leave Yuta so early. Under any other circumstance, he would've wanted to spend as much time as possible with the beautiful boy.

He guesses he can't blame Yuta for wanting to take him home, he's been quiet and thought that maybe he wasn't giving off the most comfortable vibe. Perhaps Yuta just didn't want to be around him anymore.

"Okay," Taeyong settles on mumbling, sliding out of the booth after Yuta.

The walk to the younger's car wasn't long, it wasn't lovely either. Both of them said nothing, they simply kept quiet and Taeyong was looking at the ground.

Yuta opens the door for Taeyong, closes it for him too before he heads over to the driver's side. Once his own seatbelt is on, he looks right to see if Taeyong's seatbelt is on too.

It isn't.

But instead of being a sensible human being and asking Taeyong to put on his seatbelt, Yuta deems it more efficient if he reaches over to Taeyong's side and puts his seatbelt on for him.

Yuta's neck is so close to Taeyong's mouth that the former could feel Taeyong's warm breath on his neck, making him way more nervous about being this close to him than he already was.

Just when Yuta is leaning back to sit in his seat properly, his elbow accidentally presses against Taeyong's left arm.

Taeyong curses himself for letting out a pained groan.

He can feel Yuta's gaze on him before he even opens his eyes, which makes him not want to open his eyes.

"Your arm okay Taeyong?" Yuta asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow which makes Taeyong wish he hadn't opened his eyes.

"Mhm," Taeyong hums, trying to sound convincing as he lies.

He doesn't like lying to Yuta, he'd rather not lie to Yuta, but Taeyong didn't want the other male to worry. It would be easier, everything would be easier if Yuta didn't get involved. Not saying that Yuta would make things worse, but that's exactly what he's saying. Yuta would probably tell him to tell someone, to not hide this for any longer, but Taeyong doesn't even know that Yuta would also be breathing down his neck if he ever found out. Never taking his protective hold on Taeyong away.

"So you wouldn't mind if I checked? For my own assurance of course," the Japanese male asks, and Taeyong wants to curse Yuta for being so damn smart, but he couldn't do that when that was one of the most attractive traits about Nakamoto Yuta. His brilliant brain, which was able to decipher how Taeyong was feeling and read him like an open book. This made Taeyong wonder if Yuta maybe knew him better than the former thought he did. Taeyong didn't know that he was right; for Yuta knows quite a lot when it comes to Lee Taeyong. Not too much; but just enough.

"Y-Yuta..." Taeyong shakes his head, silently pleading for Yuta to stop this, because it wasn't important now.

Yuta sends Taeyong an apologetic smile, slowly reaching his hands to the latter's left arm.

Taeyong doesn't protest, doesn't even pull his arm back. He guesses his body also knows that he's undeniably pliant for Nakamoto Yuta.

He bites his bottom lip as he refuses to make any embarrassing sound as he feels the rough fabric of his sweater rub against the burns.

Taeyong also keeps his eyes on his arm, anticipating what the marks look like.

Once the sleeve is pulled up to reveal all four burn marks, the one that he feels the most is Yuta's gaze burning into his skin. The feeling is stronger than any other burns and it makes Taeyong's stomach twist in a weird yet pleasant way.

When the heated feeling simmers down a little, until it's almost completely gone, Taeyong lifts his head up to see Yuta looking at him, and not his arm anymore.

Yuta doesn't say anything, which, in turn, leaves Taeyong speechless.

Tentatively, while still staring at Taeyong, Yuta brings the latter's arm up and gently kisses each and every burn.

Taeyong feels his breath hitch in his throat as he feels the soft smoothness that belonged to Nakamoto Yuta's pink lips.

Taeyong has always imagined what Yuta's lips would feel like against his skin but no amount of imagination could make Taeyong feel what he had just felt.

When Yuta brings his head back up to be level with Taeyong's, the air is hot and thick between them, unspoken words filling in the gap between their faces.

Once again, Taeyong can see stars in Yuta's eyes.

The elder's breath starts to pick up with now for no reason and he's completely frozen as he waits for Yuta to do something, because he sure as hell doesn't know what to do.

Yuta wishes Taeyong would make the move, not saying that he was lazy or something rushed would happen, it's just that if he doesn't stop looking at Taeyong's lips or doesn't get distracted from how pretty Lee Taeyong is then—

Out of nowhere, Yuta's moves as fast as a cheetah that's been starving for a week, pushing his lips against Taeyong's.

Taeyong thinks he might just hurl.

Not because he was disgusted by Nakamoto Yuta's royal, prince-like lips against his own, but it was because of the chaos going around in his stomach, chaos which resembled a freaking zoo.

Instead of butterflies, Taeyong feels everything from ants to elephants, which make his heart beat at an unhealthy pace, along with turning his skin hot everywhere.

Yuta isn't any better. He's just better at hiding it.

When the Japanese boy pulls away, Taeyong finds himself blazing, and Yuta wants to kick himself for being so impulsive.

"That's okay right?" Yuta asks, surprised by how even his voice came out when in his mind; he was clearly dying and having a breakdown.

Dumbly, Taeyong nods his head. He would've cracked a terrible joke about how Yuta's supposed to ask before kissing him, but keeps shut because he doesn't mind how Nakamoto Yuta leans in and kisses his lips again, softly this time.

Yuta doesn't dare touch him, simply in fear of accidentally hurting any other soft spots.

The two of them don't know how long they've been sitting there; kissing like it was the only thing they knew how to do.

Taeyong would've found it romantic, if he didn't just give his first kiss away to the boy of his dreams in a McDonald's parking lot. In an old car. 

But hey, beggars can't be choosers.

"I like you Taeyong," Yuta abruptly whispers when he pulls away, smiling a tad when he sees Taeyong's cheeks darken, if that's even possible.

This wasn't a dream right? Taeyong wasn't hearing things; was he? Yuta means it right? He wasn't that mean of a person to spurt a fake confession, was he?

No, Taeyong thinks; of course Yuta isn't that type of person. Yuta has a very kind soul that probably wouldn't even want to hurt a fly. Taeyong is thinking too much about this.

"What?" Taeyong stupidly asks, still convinced that he was hearing things. And it's not like he has a secondary source of confirmation or denial other than Yuta. And Taeyong was not about to ask Yuta.

"I like you," Yuta repeats, and Taeyong can hear the smile in his voice before he even looks up at the former's amazingly blinding smile. "A lot."

Taeyong let's out a chuckle, Yuta thought it was a positive one, but then Taeyong is shaking his head and pulling more away from Yuta.

"Stop fucking with me," he mumbles, shrinking in on himself and into the passenger's seat. "Today has already been bad enough."

Yuta frowns, genuinely, but Taeyong doesn't see it.

"Hey Lee," the Japanese boy calls again, nudging Taeyong with his arm, gently since he's now aware of the burns. "I like you."

Taeyong thinks that Yuta is a broken record, as that's what he sounds like, but no broken record can have so many levels of emotion in them. Just like how Taeyong can dissect Nakamoto Yuta's eyes, he can dissect Nakamoto Yuta's voice.

There were three layers here; honesty, adoration and infatuation.

Honesty first because Yuta was trying to convince Taeyong that he meant it, that he wasn't one of those jerks who play with people's feelings.

Adoration because that's what he felt for Lee Taeyong. He adores Taeyong, so much, and he needs him to understand that.

Infatuation because if he isn't infatuated with keeping Taeyong safe, having Taeyong happy, and making Taeyong smile, then Yuta doesn't know what his goal in life is.

"H-Hey Nakamoto," Taeyong lamely tries to copy, nudging Yuta with his arm as well. "I-I like you too. A lot."

Yuta smiles (it's dazzling) and in this moment, Taeyong learns that maybe he should let Yuta into his little secluded world; let Yuta into his heart.

"Taeyong I promise," Yuta starts, reaching for Taeyong's left hand as he laces their fingers together. It's cute and the action has Taeyong's palms sweating; he hopes Yuta doesn't notice. "I promise to take care of you."

After his declaration, Yuta spends a good ten minutes kissing the burns on Taeyong's left arm, right arm, and then kissing his neck, cheeks and lips for the heck of it. 

 

"Hey Lee," Yuta calls one day, looking down at the head on his chest. The two of them were at Yuta's house, watching television in his living room, since Taeyong said that he'd rather be in Yuta's apartment than his own house. Yuta's apartment is like a home. His own is a house.

Well, Taeyong was watching television, Yuta was watching Taeyong. The latter was far more interesting than a television program.

"Yeah Nakamoto?" Taeyong hums, tilting his head up a bit to look at Yuta's face.

Taeyong learned to adore that face more than he already does.

Within the span of two months, Yuta has managed to do a lot.

The Japanese boy has managed to keep Taeyong our of harm's way at school, always keeping an eye on him during class and always having a protective hold on him outside of class. Taeyong would find it overbearing, except it isn't. It's just Yuta looking out for him and Taeyong appreciating that with his everything.

Yuta has managed to crumble down Taeyong's walls like they weren't there in the first place, like he hadn't spent a long time building them tall and sturdy so that people wouldn't be able to take a jab at him; so that people wouldn't be able to prick at his vulnerability.

At first it was alarming; how quickly Yuta was able to get inside Taeyong's heart and mind and hold him in his clutches, but another thing Yuta has managed to do was gain Taeyong's trust.

With his constant reminders that Taeyong was beautiful and smart, and that he was perfect the way he was, Yuta locked a sense of assurance into Taeyong. Whenever the Japanese male stands up for Taeyong without a second thought towards his reputation or his own safety and well being, Yuta has earned Taeyong's trust, something he will value and call precious for the rest of his life; knowing that trust isn't something Lee Taeyong gives out so willingly.

Yuta has managed to be Taeyong's friend, he's managed to keep Taeyong company so that he wasn't the lonely boy who was always hiding or helping a teacher during his break period.

Yuta has managed to fill the void in Taeyong's heart and the emptiness in Taeyong's house from his parents leaving him. The lack of paternal love makes Taeyong a vulnerable person, and he's glad that Yuta doesn't see that as a downfall.

In Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong finds a protector, a friend, a confidant, and a lover.

"I kind of love you babe," Yuta shrugs, acting like he hadn't just said those words for the first time ever.

Which he had.

Taeyong's aghast, completely speechless because he didn't think it was possible. He didn't think it was possible for anyone to mutter those words.

"How?"

Taeyong's not lovable.

He has scars on his body from burns and cuts he involuntary got, he has emotional scars from harsh words and hurtful actions.

Lee Taeyong isn't lovable.

Lee Taeyong is disgusting.

"How can I not?"

Yuta always finds a way to contradict what Taeyong was thinking.

This has been another thing Yuta has managed to do in the span of two months. Along with everything else, Yuta can also decipher what was going on in Taeyong's head without the latter having to vocalize his thoughts. In some ways it's nice, to know that he doesn't always have to use his words since he also isn't the best at communicating. But it's always kind of scary, with Yuta being able to do this, it's almost impossible to hide anything from him.

Yuta always finds out, one way or another. He always finds out and he always gets rid of the negativity in Taeyong's mind.

That just might be one of the things Taeyong loves about Yuta—

Oh.

"You're amazing Lee Taeyong. You're beautiful and you're smart. You're such a strong person and I adore everything about you. Your smile makes me so happy and I can't wait for the moment where I get to hold you in my arms. I think you're the most wonderful person I've ever met. I love you Taeyong." In Yuta's eyes, the starts are shining brighter than Taeyong has ever seen them. After looking long enough; Taeyong understands why they're shining so bright in this moment.

It's because Yuta's in love.

Yuta squeezes Taeyong tighter and brings him closer to his chest, until the latter's cheek is smushed against Yuta's chest and he can hardly breathe but it doesn't matter because Yuta loves him.

Taeyong didn't even realize he was crying until Yuta kisses a few tears, bringing his hands up to wipe them away.

"Why are you crying, love? Was my confession too embarrassing?" Yuta jokes, managing to rip a chuckle out of Taeyong's throat. That's another thin Yuta loves to do. Make Taeyong laugh.

Taeyong shakes his head, wiping his tears on Yuta's shirt, knowing that he wouldn't mind.

"Thank you Y-Yuta," Taeyong says shakily, coiling his arms just a bit tighter around the Japanese boy.

"Thank you?" Yuta questions confusedly, having Taeyong hum and nod.

"I used to feel to ugly Yuta," Taeyong whispers. Yuta opens his mouth to protest, but Taeyong continues to speak before he can. "I used to feel so stupid, so lonely and so, so pathetic. But then I saw you one day and that feeling just grew more intense because you are so perfect Yuta... So perfect. I was crushing on you for such a long time, I didn't think I had a chance at all. But then that night came. At first it seemed like the worst night of my life. But I ended up getting you out of it.

"You make me happy Yuta. You love me but more importantly, you taught me to love myself. When I look at my scars, I don't feel pain anymore. I feel your lips kissing them. When I look in the mirror and see my past self, I don't pity myself. I congratulate myself for doing something right. Something which gifted me you."

Yuta's eyes are shining again, this time for two reason; because of the stars and the love, and because of the unshed tears in his eyes.

"God Taeyong," Yuta chuckles, nuzzling is face into the smaller male's hair. He sighs, taking in the scent of Taeyong's lemon shampoo, a scent he'd never get tired of. "I love you."

"I love you too Yuta."

And Taeyong means it.

Because not only did Yuta manage to break down every single defence mechanism Taeyong has put up, teach Taeyong to adore what he sees in the mirror instead of loathing it, and filled Taeyong's heart and life with absolute happiness and joy; he's given Taeyong a reason to fight.

Nakamoto Yuta has given Lee Taeyong a reason to fight through what everyone says about him, what everything thinks about him. Yuta taught Taeyong that what other people think don't matter, and if he's confident in himself and loves himself wholeheartedly, there is no problem.

With his wistful words, pearly white teeth, healing smile, and shining starry, sparkly eyes, Nakamoto Yuta has given Lee Taeyong a reason to persevere.

And for that,

Taeyong is eternally grateful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong doubts himself and puts his relationship with Yuta in jeopardy.

After learning to love himself, the next step in Taeyong's life was trying to step out of his shell.

If he was now contented with himself, he wanted other people to know that as well.

Even though he may not have the best history with everyone around him, he's learned how to not give a damn, and to do what he wants to, and what he likes to.

Yuta teaches him a lot of different things about self confidence, self love, and love in general on the daily. Taeyong thinks he owes Yuta his life, an entire eternity for how much he's grateful for Yuta. Taeyong doesn't know where he'd be without his boyfriend today.

It was a Saturday morning, and Yuta left do to shopping. Taeyong stayed the night, waking up in Yuta's bed to a note and empty left side.

Sleeping in Yuta's jumper and boxers, Taeyong feels smaller than when he was standing next to Jaehyun.

He bites his lip as he contemplates what he could do in the next two hours he has alone. He has an idea of what he wants to do, but he doesn't know if he's confident enough to do it. After dating Yuta for five months, he's gained an awful lot of positivity in his life, along with strength on his personal levels. He feels better about his appearance along with who he is as a person. He's comfortable in his own skin, something which Yuta reminds him is very important.

He crouches down into a squatting position, opening the cabinet under Yuta's kitchen sink, fishing for a box which he hid carefully at the back one day. He doesn't know why he kept it at Yuta's apartment, probably because he's always there. Either way, he flips the box around in his hands, not knowing if he should follow through with his idea or not. He's been wanting to do this for a while, but doesn't know if he's ready. He knows he confident now, knows how to tune out negativity and knows that no one's opinion but his own matters.

So with a deep sigh and bated breath, Taeyong unboxes the box and heads to the bathroom, locking it to make sure that if Yuta were to come home early, he wouldn't walk in on Taeyong.

He's not afraid anymore, and he assures himself of that before taking out the weird pump looking thing, taking in a deep breath and getting ready to bleach his hair. For sure, it burns like a bitch and Taeyong grits his teeth in pure agony, but he continues. Yuta always taught Taeyong how to push through pain, not by inflicting it onto Taeyong, but by coaxing him with encouraging words when he accidentally sliced his finger and had to get stitches, twisted his ankle and burned his forearm. Taeyong was prone to accidents, so his pain tolerance was pretty high now.

"Babe?" Yuta's voice fills the apartment, dumping the groceries which were in polythene bags on the kitchen counter. "Yongs?" He calls again, a bit more loudly. Yuta starts to think that maybe Taeyong went home and that he missed a text or a note stuck to the fridge, but then Taeyong's voice filters through the abode.

"Be there in a minute!" He squeaks, instantly bringing a smile onto Yuta's face. Taeyong was so cute, and Yuta loves having him in the apartment with him. Yuta found that Taeyong really brightened the atmosphere and made everything in Yuta's life happier. He wants to keep Taeyong tucked into his apartment, and come home to him being there like a present. Taeyong made everything in Yuta's life brighter, so he'd really appreciate it if the man himself would show himself.

The sound of soft feet padding across the hardwood floors of Yuta's apartment get louder, proving that Taeyong was walking towards the kitchen. He instantly grabs one of the four grocery bags, busying himself by putting the produce away in the fridge. "You eat babe?" The Japanese boy asks, aligning some cookie and cereal boxes into a cupboard.

"Not yet," Taeyong answers, voice coming out quiet from where he was, head first into the fridge. "You know I don't like eating alone." Yuta hums, since this was one of the first things he found out about Taeyong; that he hates eating alone. From always eating with Taeyong, Yuta has also developed a hatred towards eating alone.

"Hm, sorry for leaving earlier than— Is your hair pink?" Yuta shrieks, dropping the box of muffins. Taeyong smiles nonchalantly, even if he was a mess on the inside, not one hundred percent knowing how to approach this situation with full confidence.

He walks right up in front of the spluttering Japanese male, and he brings Yuta's arms around his own waist, looping his arms around the taller's neck later.

"Do you l-like it?" Taeyong asks with a cock of his head, trying to sound like he was oozing confidence out of his every single pore, but the stutter gave him away. "I like it." He adds in a mumble, standing up straighter and boldly pecking Yuta square on the lips.

The latter squeaks at that, quickly regaining his composure and kissing Taeyong back. His hand rests on the small of Taeyong's back, and once he's eased away, his eyes immediately go to Taeyong's hair again. It's pink. Between soft pink, pastel pink and bright pink. It was falling into his eyes because of his long bangs, and Yuta can see insecurity and confidence in Taeyong's eyes. It was an odd combination, but leave Taeyong to sport the most odd combinations.

Pink hair and his angelic face however... That wasn't an odd combination. Taeyong looked like an angel, a beautiful angel.

"You look so pretty Yongie," Yuta admits, smiling and cupping both of Taeyong's cheeks. The latter smiles up at him, completely beaming off of Yuta's words. "I love it."

"Me too."

 

:

 

The weekend was nice and all, Taeyong and Yuta staying home for most of it, watching bad movies and lazily making out. He also took a lot of selfies on Yuta's phone, and he's surprised that the elder hadn't found out yet.

"My pretty fairy," Yuta had called him, running his fingers through the smaller's incredibly soft hair. Taeyong was really happy that Yuta seemed to adore his hair, as the latter hadn't stopped petting it or playing with it.

Sadly though, the day Taeyong dreaded came faster than he thought it would.

Monday.

Along with the usual dread Mondays bring, this Monday was the first day he'd go to school with his pink hair.

Now, when he says that he's gained confidence, he really has. He truly has learned how to stop thinking about what other people think of him, along with simply being himself. But it's still nerve wracking, heading into a judging environment with something that is so tender to insults.

For the first time in five months, Taeyong is scared to go to school.

He's at his house, getting ready like any other normal day. Except this time, he receives multiple compliments from the house maids. He thanks them all with gratitude, smiling more than he normally does. The maids have all noticed how much happier Taeyong has been since he's been dating Yuta, and that one time Taeyong and Yuta were caught making out by the maid which Taeyong holds closest to his heart was probably what it felt like to introduce your boyfriend to your parents.

Not that he would know though.

Walking to school wasn't difficult, but it was nerve wracking. Instead, walking into school and trying to ignore all the eyes he can so obviously feel on him was harder.

No one says anything yet, and Taeyong keeps his eyes on the ground in fear of seeing a look of disgust on anyone's face. Taeyong dyed his hair, but he doesn't know if he's ready to show people. It's not like he has much of a choice now anyways; he's already at his locker, feeling people's gaze burn into his back. With a shuttering breath, Taeyong takes his necessary books out and shuts his locker, walking to class. Once again, and thankfully, no one bothers him on the way there.

"Morning," Yuta greets him when he sees him come through the doors. Taeyong flinches before sighing out a bit and relaxing.

"G'morning." He greets back, taking his seat in the desk behind Yuta.

"You look cute today," Yuta nonchalantly compliments, and Taeyong's cheeks flare pink without his permission. "Ah!" Yuta suddenly says loudly, and Taeyong isn't looking forward to what he'll say since he can hear the teasing in his tone. "Now your cheeks will match your hair!" Taeyong wishes he could've slapped Yuta, if only the teacher hadn't walked in right then and there.

"Nice hair," a student, junior actually, says to Taeyong in the halls during lunch. Besides Yuta, it was the first compliment he got. "Thank you," he mumbles, pretty sure that the other didn't hear him. Surely, the compliment put a smile on his face, made him happy got the rest of the day if he's being honest.

"Taeyong."

It's the end of the day, and Taeyong has received a total of eleven compliments and comments on his hair. Thankfully, all of them were positive. Turning around, he comes face to face with Yuta, who's smiling at him with the stunning smile he fell in love with.

"Hm?" He hums, blushing a tad when Yuta stops right in front of him. As in, leaving two inches between their faces.

"Come over tonight," he says quietly, smirking ever so slightly. Taeyong's eyes widen.

"Y-You're nasty!" He accuses, shoving Yuta back weakly with his fists. The Japanese boy lets out the most heart lifting laugh out there, automatically causing Taeyong to smile too.

"Come over," Yuta says again, leaning down to kiss Taeyong's forehead. "We'll cook dinner and watch a movie or something." Yuta lets his fingers rest behind Taeyong's head, lightly playing with the short strands.

"Okay," Taeyong agrees, sighing out contentedly, smiling, always smiling since Yuta came into his life. "I'll be there at 6:00pm." Yuta nods, comfortable with the time before pecking the smaller boy's cheek once more, waving goodbye as he heads towards his motorcycle.

Yeah.

Nakamoto Yuta rides a motorcycle.

He also looked really hot when he took off the helmet, but that was besides the point.

Walking home was kind of lonely, but that's how it normally was. Not saying that since he met Yuta he hasn't made friends, Taeyong is grateful that he has friends because of Yuta. Yuta's two friends who he met at the McDonald's, Sicheng and Jaehyun, were really nice to him and even added him to their ' _holy trinity of doughnuts_ ' group chat. Taeyong felt honoured at that point, truly. Because of Yuta, his only friend isn't Renjun, who he still sees at least once a week.

He thinks about it it least once a week, but the more he thinks about it, the more grateful he is that he's found someone like Yuta to he in his life, let alone play such a signifiant part in his life.

When Taeyong wakes up, he thinks about seeing Yuta at school.

When he dresses into his clothes in the mirror, he thinks about how Yuta will find something nice to say about how he looks.

When he walks to school, he thinks about getting there before Yuta does, like a race. Which seemed stupid, they leave at the same time and Yuta takes his motorcycle, so it was a lost cause for Taeyong.

When he spends lunch with Jaehyun and Sicheng, he thinks about how they're the closest people he's had to best friends. Because of Yuta.

When he has nothing else to think about, he thinks about Yuta and how much he's positively impacted his life. He doesn't mind at all, wouldn't mind, having Yuta impact his life some more.

And when he leaves the house at 5:15pm, just enough time for him to walk to Yuta's apartment, feels an arm curl around his shoulders, he's briefly reminded of Yuta. Because a second later, he realizes it isn't Yuta. Yuta's arm isn't that muscly ("I _do_ go to the gym Taeyong!"), and this arm felt heavy around his shoulders.

He turns around hesitantly, because the touch was really unfamiliar. It could've simply been someone mistaking him for someone else, but wouldn't they have realized it by now? Plus, how have boys in South Korea have pink hair?

"Pretty," the person huskily whispers, and Taeyong gasps when he feels lips touch his earlobe. First off, Taeyong didn't like that, second of all, it was a stranger, and lastly, the stranger was touching him.

He squirms, and suddenly the arm around his shoulders tightens, causing him to glare and try to get a look at the face of the person, but to no avail.

"And feisty," the man adds with a grin, sinisterly smiling at Taeyong.

"Do I know you?" Taeyong asks softly, not knowing if it was appropriate to yell at a stranger or not. If Yuta was here, he would've told Taeyong to screech at him, but he isn't here to do that.

"No," the person answers, Taeyong assumes it's a guy from the way his voice sounds. "Don't know me."

Taeyong chews on his bottom lip, because this situation was eerie and wasn't making any sense. If the person knows that Taeyong doesn't know him, might as well just let him go so that they could both go on with their evenings, right?

"Can you please let me go then?" Taeyong asks, thanking himself (and proud) for himself not stuttering. He was quite nervous about what was happening, wasn't helping that the sun was starting to set.

"After I'm done with you." Those words made an uncomfortable shiver run down Taeyong's spine, scaring him if he was being frank. "You're a pretty boy," the boy mumbles. "Don't see many of those often."

Now, Taeyong was getting irritated. He tries to get out of the boy's grip, once again, to no avail. _Why is everyone stronger than me_ , Taeyong asks himself once the boy tightens his grip in an almost painful way. He knows that talking won't get him out of this mess, knows that words don't convince assholes like this boy. Neither does writhing in pain or showing them that what they're doing is wrong. So Taeyong does the next best thing. He bites the arm that's around his shoulders and neck.

"What the fuck!" The boy shrieks, loosening his hold just a bit in order to see the damage Taeyong has done.

Taeyong thought Yuta was joking when he said Taeyong has canine like teeth. He guesses the Japanese boy wasn't wrong after all.

"You like biting huh?" The boy asks, and the fact that he sounds unfazed is what pisses Taeyong off more than anything. Compared to before, he's more annoyed that the boy isn't taking a hint.

"Leave me alone," he growls, trying to elbow the boy in the ribs, but he seems to be more experienced, dodging Taeyong's attempt easily. The boy doesn't say anything, simply grunts before turning Taeyong around and keeping a firm grip on his waist and arm.

"Now you're gonna shut it, alright?"

"No! What do you mean alright—"

"Why are you irritating? Why does Yuta put up with you?" The boys groans. Taeyong eyes widen, and now the only thing on his mind was how the boy knew Yuta.

"How do you know Yuta?" He quickly asks, eyes wide and frantic with concern as he looks at the boy in front of him. Taeyong thinks it doesn't matter if the boy knows him, somehow, but if he knows Yuta, then he'd like to know how and why. This boy didn't seem like someone Yuta would hang out with, which only raises Taeyong's suspicion.

"I'm hurt you don't know me Taeyong." He says, cocking up an eyebrow to feign that he was offended. "I'm in your class." Taeyong blushes out of embarrassment at that, of course he would. Being outed for not knowing your classmates is embarrassing.

"Sorry— Wait I shouldn't apologize to you! Fuck off!" Taeyong splutters, once again trying to shove the boy away.

"You make everything so difficult—" The boy sighs exasperatedly, gripping Taeyong tighter and holding him in place. "Don't fucking move." And Taeyong would've moved, he really would've, if the boy's nails weren't digging into his skin, along with cutting off his blood circulation.

"W-What're you doing...?" And there it is, Taeyong's stutter. His stutter which only comes out when he's nervous, terrified or flustered. And he most definitely wasn't flustered right now. "Hey I-I asked what—!"

"Shut up!" The boy growls, moving the hand which was on Taeyong's arm to cover his mouth, not his nose though, making sure he could still breathe. Taeyong doesn't dare speak anymore, not comfortable with how much control the stranger boy has over his ability to breathe and respiratory.

He feels the breath of the boy move closer to his neck, and all he can ask himself is why this always happens to him. Granted, he's escaped the gruesome bullying for five months, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get bullied at all, it's just that the frequency has lowered. Lost in his thoughts about how unlucky he is, Taeyong doesn't realize how the stranger boy was sucking a hickey onto his neck until he feels an unexplainable shock of pleasure up his spine.

It scares Taeyong, because he doesn't understand what caused that shock, doesn't understand what feels so good about being molested like this.

"Cute. Yuta doesn't touch you?" The boy snickers when he pulls away, finally letting go of Taeyong's waist and uncovering his mouth. "Don't you feel dirty now? What are you, a cheater?"

"W-What—" The words die right in Taeyong's throat, when he looks down between his legs and to his utmost horror, sees a _boner_. _His_ boner. "That's none of your business!" Taeyong yells, stumbling back as he tries to gain his footing.

He knows the words are affecting him too much and he knows that he shouldn't think about what that asshole says...

But he can't help but think about it when it's true.

 

:

 

"Hey Lee."

"Nakamoto."

"TY."

"YT."

"Baby."

"Babe."

"Angel."

"Sunshine."

"Sweetcheek—"

"Stop it Yuta," Taeyong laughs, throwing his arms around Yuta and leaning up on his toes to kiss his lips. He can feel Yuta smile into it, before feeling the other's arms wrap around his waist and hears the door click shut behind them.

"Hm..." Yuta hums, breaking their kiss but making sure their lips were still touching. "Come cut the onions. I left those just for you." He whispers, having Taeyong shove him away and pout.

"I hate cutting onions!" He cries, since well, they made him cry. Yuta simply chuckles, an asshole is what he is, before dragging Taeyong into the kitchen by his wrist.

"That's why they're just for you!"

So Taeyong cuts the onions, cries quite a bit, but Yuta is there to tease him and coo at him. And wipe his tears away, so it's okay.

Preparing dinner goes by quickly and smoothly, Yuta whipping out a recipe for chicken that he knows Taeyong absolutely adores. Once their meal is prepared and Taeyong has set the table nicely, they start eating in silence.

"I really like your cooking," Taeyong mumbles to Yuta through a mouthful, trying to smile, awkwardly since there was food in his mouth.

Yuta tsks, but can't help the smile that grazes his features.

"You're cute Lee," he says, pouring Taeyong a glass of cold water.

"Thank you."

They continue eating, not really talking. The reason why Taeyong hates eating alone is because that's what he's always done. He's always had to eat alone since his parents were never around. So whenever he had someone to eat with, it just felt so much better and he also ate so much better. Of course, he still eats alone when he has to, just never would on his will.

Yuta on the other hand... He never had a problem with eating alone until he met Taeyong. He lives alone anyways, he used to just mixing some stuff which probably shouldn't be mixed together in a bowl and watching whatever's on the television. But ever since he first grabbed a bite with Taeyong, it seems impossible to eat alone. He'd say it's also impossible for him to eat without Taeyong, since Yuta really loves the way the elder's eyes light up when he's eating something delicious. Yuta also really likes how contented his boyfriend is while eating, and just watching him eat makes Yuta full. He's told Taeyong that once, and the latter blushed like crazy before urging Yuta to eat so that he wouldn't speak.

Similar situation now, with Yuta just staring at Taeyong without touching his own food.

"Yuta, eat." Taeyong says softly, smiling lightly in his direction while pointing a fork at Yuta's plate.

"Just watching you eat makes—" Taeyong rolls his eyes with an amused face.

"Yeah, I know. It makes you full. Eat." He repeats, and Yuta laughs before continuing to finish his dinner.

Once their plates are cleared along with the table, Yuta washes the dishes while Taeyong dries them with a cloth and puts them back where they belong. It's always nice going over to Yuta's for Taeyong, they took part in disgustingly domestic couples' clichés but we're still unique in their own special way.

Take now for example.

Cooking dinner together in a a diabetes inducing way because of all the pecks and back hugs which were exchanged, washing and drying the dishes together while stealing more kisses and then cuddling on the couch with a movie which they know they won't pay attention to playing in the background.

Taeyong wouldn't say his relationship is boring... They do _stuff_.

Like make out. And that's it.

Taeyong's mind drifts back to what the stranger boy said— he should really report him at school the next day— and he bites his lip while pondering.

Yuta really hadn't... Touched him in that way.

Of course Yuta has touched him, they're touching right now... But they haven't delved into anything sexual as a couple yet. Taeyong assumes that's why his body was reacting a certain way when someone finally did something even remotely sexual with him, that's what he hopes too.

It's a natural human response right? To be aroused in arousing situations... But then why does Taeyong feel so guilty? Why does someone who isn't Yuta makes Taeyong feel that way? Why would Taeyong be aroused by someone who wasn't Yuta in the first place? Yuta is Taeyong's boyfriend of all people, why... Why—?

Is he a cheater?

That boy, the stranger called him a cheater.

Is he?

"What're you thinking about?" Along with the question, it's the nimble fingers working on his scalp and the lovely gaze Yuta sends him that has him snapping out of his thoughts. Taeyong shouldn't tell Yuta what he was thinking about... Should he? Wouldn't Yuta be mad? He'd probably yell at Taeyong. He'd probably accuse Taeyong of being dirty for getting aroused. Taeyong himself thinks he's dirty for becoming aroused. Just the thought makes him shudder, the thought of what the boy did, of what Yuta would think, of how the hickey on his neck burns all of a sudden.

"Nothing," Taeyong mumbles, turning his head to Yuta. The Japanese boy quirks an eyebrow up at him. Taeyong smiles. "I just love you. You love me too, right?"

Yuta makes a sound that shows he's surprised, which he is. _Did Taeyong just ask if I love him?_ He thinks, breathing out through his nose. Of course he loves Taeyong. Why wouldn't he?

"Yeah," Yuta agrees, taking his other hand and stroking Taeyong's left cheek with his thumb.

"Say it." Yuta would normally find these situations funny and amusing, since he's used to Taeyong being a needy little baby, seeking his love and warmth all the time. He's ready to give that all to Taeyong, all the time. But Taeyong doesn't ask Yuta to say it, he demands Yuta to say it. That catches the younger off guard. Nonetheless, the complies.

"I love you." He sincerely says, leaning in and pressing his lips to Taeyong's forehead. Taeyong closes his eyes, and the second he does, the scene from a few hours ago starts to play in his head.

 _My lips_ , he thinks, opening his eyes when he feels Yuta's lips part from his skin. _Kiss my lips_.

"Kiss me," Taeyong says out loud, looking at Yuta with hooded eyes. Yuta hasn't seen like this before, and he won't deny that he looks kind of hot.

"Gonna kiss you," Yuta anounces as he leans down, tilting Taeyong's face up with the hand that is completely engulfing half of his face. When their lips meet in the middle, it starts off soft and sweet. Yuta lightly caressing Taeyong's supple lips with his own, taking his time to worship and swell the pair of lips he loves so much.

But Taeyong wasn't having any of that.

The second their lips meet, a sudden urge takes over Taeyong.

 _Yuta should be able to arouse me_ , he thinks, closing his eyes and putting his hands on his boyfriend's chest. Suddenly, Taeyong's pushing Yuta down on the couch until he's laying down on the couch on his back, staring up the elder who climbs onto his lap with wide eyes.

"What are you— Mmph, Taeyong—" Yuta tries to speak, but Taeyong shuts him up by continuing to kiss him. Yuta doesn't like where this is going, judging from how aggressive Taeyong was kissing him. Taeyong doesn't kiss aggressively, heck, Taeyong never controls kisses, so what was going on right now was confusing Yuta a lot.

 _It's not working_ , Taeyong thinks, still aware of how soft and limp he is between his legs. _Why isn't it working_? Taeyong feels dread settle in the bottom of his stomach, feeling disgusting because his own boyfriend can't arouse him, but a molesting stranger can.

But he keeps trying.

"Tongue," Taeyong gasps, out of breath as he pants when he finally breaks their kiss. "Y-Yuta tongue."

"Taeyong—"

"Kiss me," Taeyong says, his cheeks and ears on fire because he usually doesn't act like this. But anything to prove that he _wasn't_ dirty. Anything to prove that he _wasn't_ a cheater.

He doesn't even give Yuta a chance to reply before he's kissing him sloppily again, trying to push his tongue past Yuta's resistant lips. _Why is he resisting_? Taeyong asks himself, feeling frustration buildup inside of him.

Yuta isn't opening his mouth for Taeyong's tongue, but he keeps on kissing him.

 _Did he find out I'm a cheater_?

When a few more seconds go by with Yuta obviously resisting, Taeyong resorts to the next thing he thinks of.

"C-Can you kiss my neck?" Taeyong stutters, asking the question shamelessly without even thinking about the fact that Yuta would end up seeing the hickey which he so obviously didn't put on Taeyong.

The Japanese boy was now worried, because why was Taeyong acting like this? He was fine up until they sat down on the couch, he doesn't understand what brought in this side of Taeyong.

"Your neck? Tae—"

"Please," Taeyong whispers, cradling Yuta's face between his hands. Yuta looks so handsome and beautiful; Taeyong kicks himself for still being flaccid between his thighs. "Mark me Yuta," Taeyong says, and he seems so okay with it, seems like he wants it so much (which he does), which causes Yuta to sit up while putting his hands on Taeyong's back.

"Okay," Yuta agrees, pecking the smaller's lips softly before peppering them all over his face, going lower and lower with each kiss. Soon, Yuta is sucking a bruise onto Taeyong's jawline, thinking Taeyong is enjoying his ministrations because of the light pants which are right next to his ear.

But he wasn't aroused.

"Neck," Taeyong gasps at one particularly harsh suck. "Neck."

Yuta moves done wordlessly to Taeyong's neck, bitting into the flesh right near his pulse point. Yuta knows that Taeyong's pulse point is his most sensitive spot, his weakest spot. So when Taeyong feels zero tinge of arousal, he does the last thing he can think of doing. He blindly reaches for Yuta's hand behind his back while keeping his eyes closed. He refuses to let the tears of frustration and self hatred spill past his eyes.

Self hatred.

That was something Taeyong hadn't felt for a long time. But he can't help but hate himself when his boyfriend isn't turning him on. Yuta's done everything the stranger boy has done (and more), but Taeyong is left unaffected.

When Taeyong finds Yuta's hand, the latter thinks he's going to hold it or lace their fingers together, but is utterly mortified when Taeyong places it right between in legs, directly on his dick.

To Yuta, that's the last straw.

Not that he doesn't want to... Go further with Taeyong and take the next step... It's just that— That's obviously not Taeyong in his right mindset.

A Taeyong who knew what he was doing wouldn't initiate all of these obscene actions, that was Yuta's job.

"Yuta touch me," Taeyong begs, but it sounds so wrong to Yuta's ears. "Yuta fu—"

Suddenly, to Taeyong's surprise, Yuta slips out from under him, standing up and turning his back to Taeyong with his hands on his hips.

"I'm not going to touch you," Yuta says softly but sternly (somehow), his back still facing Taeyong.

"Why not!" Taeyong cries, actually cries, with tears streaming down his face and everything.

Yuta hears how broken and thick his voice sounds, and he's slowly turning around with worry on his face. His hands are still on his hips and when he's looking at Taeyong, the latter just feels small, ashamed and dirty.

"Why are you crying?" Yuta frowns, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he looks at his boyfriend.

"Why w-won't you t-touch me? You said y-yourself I look p-pretty," Taeyong sobs, bringing his knees close to his chest and curling in on himself.

God, he just seems to make everything worse.

He stuffs his head between his knees, not daring to look up at Yuta, who he's sure looks extremely disappointed and disgusted in him.

 _After all, who wouldn't_?

Yuta frowns.

"You want me to touch you?" He asks again for his own clarification, tilting his head while kneeling down next to the couch, eyes level with Taeyong's chin.

"I want—" Taeyong hiccups, voice coming out muddled because of where his head was. "I-I want you to— No! I w-want you to t-turn me on!" Taeyong blushes, realizing how blunt and vulgar his words were.

Yuta is so surprised that his eyebrows shoot through the roof.

"What?" Yuta asks, so very completely confused because Taeyong never asks for things like this. If anything, all he asks for is kisses and cuddles— Not sex or anything along those lines.

"Am I n-not pretty e-enough?" Taeyong asks, his tears like a broken faucet. "Yuta am I ugly—"

"Taeyong, baby," Yuta says in a soft voice, lifting Taeyong's head up and cradling his red, wet cheeks. "You're not making any sense love." Taeyong opens his mouth again, Yuta knows all he's going to do is puke out words, so he shushes him and tries to get him to calm down first. "Calm down TY," the Japanese boy whispers, stroking a hand up and down Taeyong's back as he latter has his head on Yuta's shoulder. "C'mon and breathe."

When Taeyong finally does regain his breath, he pushes Yuta away, and abruptly jumps to his feet.

"I'm dirty!" He blurts out, sounding so sad that all Yuta wants to do is hug him and keep his close. "I'm a cheater!"

Yuta freezes at that.

Taeyong isn't a cheater, he knows that for a fact.

At that moment, he also spots the hickey, which he clearly remembers _not_ giving Taeyong.

The pieces click together in his mind.

"Did something happen Taeyong?"

Taeyong falters a bit, like he wasn't expecting Yuta to ask that.

"N-No," he answers, cursing himself for stuttering because Yuta knows the reasons why he'd ever stutter. _He's gonna hate you_.

"Are you lying to me?" Taeyong shakes his head. _Don't tell him_.

"Are you sure?" Taeyong nods his head. _You're a dirty cheater_.

"Taeyong?" Taeyong nods his head.

"Something happened," he whispers, clenching his fists by his sides and shutting his eyes, not wanting to see the look of disgust on Yuta's face.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I was walking over," Taeyong starts, opening his eyes just to look at the ground. "And a guy w-who said they're in o-our class stopped me on my way h-here."

"He said that I look p-pretty—" Taeyong pauses momentarily when he hears Yuta growl. "And then he kissed my neck—"

"Taeyong!" Yuta suddenly shouts, cutting the smaller boy off. "You weren't going to tell me?"

Taeyong can hear the hurt and sadness in the Japanese boy's voice, which makes him feel all the more guilty.

"Didn't know how to tell you," he admits in a quiet voice.

"Taeyong, that's harassment, what do you mean you didn't—"

"That's not all that happened." Taeyong says cutting Yuta off, for what might've been the nth time that night. "I liked it."

"You liked it?"

Yuta isn't angry, he doesn't even seem upset. More than anything, Yuta is confused. If Taeyong liked it, it wouldn't be upsetting him this much.

"Are you sure you liked it?"

Taeyong hates how calm Yuta was being. Taeyong didn't think there was anything worse than Yuta being mad at him, but no reaction from Yuta is worse.

"I-I..." Taeyong trails off, trying to word it in a way which would make the situation seem better. In the end, he settles on the fact that there's no way to sugarcoat this. "I g-got hard." He admits weakly, shamefully, and sadly. Taeyong feels like he could cry right now, what kind of boyfriend is he? Getting aroused because of a boy who harassed him? Yuta must think he's some freak, or insane for reacting that way, for reacting the way he did.

"But Taeyong. Did you like it?"

Taeyong doesn't under why Yuta asks again, didn't he just tell Yuta what his reaction was? Is Yuta just trying to embarrass him?

"I told you. I—"

"No."

Yuta cuts off, tentatively taking a step closer to Taeyong. "Did _you_ like it. Not did your _body_ like it."

Taeyong is taken aback, completely taken aback, because how can Yuta think about the smallest of things when he just told him that he popped a boner because of a stranger?

He's taking too long to answer, he realizes this when Yuta cocks up an eyebrow.

"I didn't like it," he shakes his head, looking up into Yuta's eyes now. "I told him to stop— I didn't like it." He insists, suddenly feeling the need to make sure Yuta knows that he didn't like it. "I'm not dirty," Taeyong insists, taking a step closer to Yuta, craving to touch him in a way. Yuta's touch always calmed him down. "I'm not a cheater."

"I know," Yuta assures, stepping closer and taking Taeyong's hand. "I know you're not a dirty cheater—" Taeyong flinches at the words. "I know."

Taeyong doesn't say anything to that, Yuta doesn't say anything either. The former just keeps a death grip on Yuta's hand, wanting to make sure he was there with him.

"He said something else..." Taeyong mumbles after a while, looking up at Yuta again.

"What?" The other asks wearily. Taeyong bites his lip.

"He asked if... You didn't touched me." Yuta immediately takes in a sharp intake of breath.

"That's none of his business."

"That's what I said!" Taeyong quickly says, assuring Yuta that he didn't think differently. "It's just that... He's right..." Taeyong feels embarrassed for saying these things, because it shouldn't matter to him whether or not his relationship with Yuta was moving too slow or too fast, things were just fine.

"You..." Yuta starts. "Want me to touch you?"

"It's not—" Taeyong starts exasperatedly. "It's not that. Just— I didn't like how... That happened when I was with him." Taeyong explains. "I'm dating you after all. I'm only supposed to be attracted to you."

"You are attracted to me," Yuta says confidently. "Don't you like it when I kiss you?"

Taeyong immediately nods his head, saying yes, he loves it when Yuta kisses him.

"Taeyong it's okay, things like that happen all the time," the taller boy assures, smiling the smile which Taeyong fell in love with, his smile with all his pearly white teeth shining brighter than the sun. Taeyong searches Yuta's face for any other emotions besides the comfort and sympathy he's supplying, and he's met with one in the sparkling, shining eyes he also fell in love with.

Love.

Because Yuta loves Taeyong, and it's okay that Taeyong popped a boner because of someone else, it was only human body response, and Taeyong didn't need to feel back about it.

"I feel guilty," he admits, picking at his cuticles to distract himself.

"You shouldn't," Yuta assures quietly, once again in a sugar sweet voice which should've made Taeyong cringe, but he loves that voice. "It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry," the smaller sighs out, and Yuta opens his mouth to protest, but Taeyong's speaking again before he can. "I'm sorry for... Coming onto you like that," he mumbles, feeling his blush crawl down his neck. Taeyong feels ashamed for attacking Yuta the way he did. When he thinks about it long enough, he's no different from the stranger boy.

Yuta's eyes soften, watching how Taeyong's having an inner turmoil with himself. The boy feels guilty and Yuta understands why. After meeting that boy on the streets, Taeyong feels insecure and everything bad all over again.

"I forgive you," Yuta smiles, finally coming close enough to Taeyong where he can hold the boys red cheeks in his hands. "And I love you. So please, don't think I don't love you because I haven't made a move on you yet. And don't think it's because you're not pretty Taeyong, because you're so pretty, so beautiful and a million more things." Taeyong nods slowly, but he can't deny that he still feels a bit out of place.

"K-Kiss?" Taeyong whispers shyly, not knowing if it was too much to asks after all of this.

"Kiss?" Yuta teases, and Taeyong would've hit him and he didn't feel so weak. He looks up at Yuta through his lashes.

"Please?"

So Yuta smiles, bends down and softly caresses Taeyong's lips with his own, pouring all the love he has for the smaller into this one kiss. Taeyong feels it, and he softly reciprocates the action.

"Yuta," Taeyong breathes, his large doe eyes looking right into Yuta's obscenely beautiful ones. "I love you."

Yuta kisses him again.

"I love you too."

Yuta knows that Taeyong's confidence has dropped significantly, knows that he needs to help Taeyong gain everything back, but he doesn't mind. Taeyong has told him that he's built him into the man he is, and he will not hesitate to do it again.

Even if Taeyong had great confidence and accepted himself and all that good stuff, it didn't mean he still wasn't vulnerable to everything around him.

Yuta promised himself and Taeyong something anyways.

Yuta promised that he'll take care of Taeyong.

And he doesn't plan on breaking it.


End file.
